Trading places

For the last two weeks Nightly News has been bringing you some very personal stories about what we all will face at some point in our lifetime: helping our loved ones as they grow older. From discussing long-term care options to what some of our very own parents are doing to stay active while trying not to lose their independence.

This series comes at a time when my husband and his family recently made some very difficult and emotional decisions regarding my mother-in-law. Kay is just about to turn 65, but she is already in the very progressive stages of Early Onset Alzheimer's. She was diagnosed almost 8 years ago... Imagine, Alzheimer's in your 50s. I did not know how prevalent early onset was until it happened to us. So much for those golden years my father-in-law planned and saved for all his life. Though it's a good thing he did, because that money is now paying for Kay's full-time care in an Alzheimer's facility. Prior to that though, and for the last decade, he was her sole caregiver, with none of his children nearby in Colorado where they live. He took care of Kay up until the point he realized he couldn't do it anymore and was putting his own health at risk. Now she is getting the best care possible, but it has been a very painful thing for the whole family.

Kay does seem more content now... Her eyes light up when you visit and she loves seeing her grandchildren, though sadly she doesn't understand they are her grandchildren. But she still recognizes my husband (her son) and her daughter, as well as her husband. What a horrible disease-- to be robbed of your memories -- there is nothing worse, in my opinion.

I praise all those caregivers who do the impossible. Early on, a woman would come to my in-law's house and just volunteer her time to help out because her mother too had Alzheimer's. She is a real hero in our lives because she stepped in when it was very difficult for my father-in-law to cope. Unfortunately, too many family and friends tend to not want to deal with it, or don't know how to, and therefore they drop off the radar at a time when they're needed most.

What I worry about most now is the genetics of Early Onset. There is a very clear link that if one parent gets it early that future generations will also suffer with it. I hope and pray all the groundbreaking research being done now to prevent or even find a cure for Alzheimer's is successful.

On a final note, this has made me realize how important it is to live for today rather than always planning for our tomorrows. Though I recognize now more than ever how important it is to be prepared for life's unpredictable turns.

Comments

I wish you, your husband and all his family the best during a real tough time.

I also hope the groundbreaking research helps people. I wish the gov't wouldn't be so up tight and allow some of the research that's out there to be used to help people with various diseases and disabilitys.

I couldn't agree more, 'LIVE FOR TODAY' and if you can plan for tomorrow because you never know what could happen next.

Finally inside 'people don't change but they and there loved ones may have to rearrange'.

When my grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I spent a lot of time lamenting the loss of the most influential person in my life. As time went on, her memory faded, until she was lost in herself. Although there is no way of knowing how painful the experience was for my grandmother, it was heartbreaking for the entire family. After she died, I took comfort in knowing that, although my grandmother had lost track of the many stories that made her who she was, the people who loved her still had those memories. Those memories are a gift that will live on in each of us, a gift that I cherish.

Natalie, I understand the role of caregiver. My Mother was the sole caregiver for my Grandmother in the last 10 years of her life. She just passed this December at the age of 96. I have seen the toll it has taken on my Mother. I can say that we have moved her here to Colorado to be close to my family and her grandchild and she has a new lease on life. I wish your family all the best and hope the research can bring you peace of mind soon. Those that take care of their ailing parents are to be commended, Truly! Regardless of how long it is done. It is the most selfless act one can do.

Natalie, I understand the role of caregiver. My Mother was the sole caregiver for my Grandmother in the last 10 years of her life. She just passed this December at the age of 96. I have seen the toll it has taken on my Mother. I can say that we have moved her here to Colorado to be close to my family and her grandchild and she has a new lease on life. I wish your family all the best and hope the research can bring you peace of mind soon. Those that take care of their ailing parents are to be commended, Truly! Regardless of how long it is done. It is the most selfless act one can do.

Hi Natalie.
My wife and I understand the caregiver role. My wife Carol was the sole caregiver for her Mother,
Her memory started going away around 2000, In the following years she no longer could take care of any of her daily chores, Carol did it all for her.
She was diagnosed with Alzhermers in 2004. When it was at the point that Carol could no longer handle her Mom she was going to place her in a nursing home. She decided to involve her only Brother in the decision. At that point he found out for the first time that his Mom had some money saved.
That's when the real grief started. Her Brother stole the Mom from her home. Then went straight to a lawyer and made all new papers that suited him DPOA'S and a Will.
He went straight to the courts in his home town and filied for full costody of his Mom and her Money.
We spent our own money to stop him from stealing Moms.
Carol actual feels glad that her Mom has Alzhermers so she doesn't know what her own son has did to her and how much she has cost us.
Al

I can't imagine the burden and pain of caring for a parent with Alzheimers. I know my mom worries about it terribly being the daughter of a woman (my gramma) with this disease. And to see her and my dad struggle not only with the pain of gramma's dementia, but also with a needless, selfish lawsuit my uncle initiated that robbed my parents of having a say in my gramma's care and pretty much in her remaining life is horrible. I try to remember my gramma as she was....visiting her daughter and 3 grandchildren every weekend. Teaching us how to tap dance or do string tricks, telling stories of growing up in Hell's Kitchen NY in an orphanage. Taking us on trips to visit family. Now this woman is reduced to a near empty shell with a skewed sense of reality revolving around her only son and "savior" who's in it for her remaining financial assets. We have to go through him to contact her and it just isn't worth it anymore. My gramma is just a memory. But my mom's pain is still real.
Kim, Al's eldest daughter

I am a nurse who works w/alot of Alzheimer's patients & their families & I have a discovered throught the years that if the onset is early 50-70 years of age versus later onset, the person loses memory, but the body still maintains as if younger, so the body doesn't breakdown as fast as the mind, whick is very sad, & long for the families! I also wish the goverment would use more money on research for this disease, stem cell especially, it could help so much! the sandwich generation is getting younger & younger w/this very emotional & trying disease. It is a death sentence of the mind, because without the mind you have nothing! I feel sometimes that a cancer diagnosis might be better because you know about treatments & outcomes, you don't w/Alzheimer's.

My grandpa had it and it freaks me out that my dad could get it too. He always jokes that he's forgetting things, but it really would be devastating if it set in early, as in your mother-in-law's case. It's a reality check though, and gets at another of your points about caring for the baby boomer generation. It's hard to see parents age, isn't it...?

God Bless you Natalie, just for being what you are and your down to earth sensibility

I know that modern science is not happy with alternative medicine theories, but I don't care. While waiting for a cure, have found chelation to have multiple benefits, from removal of arterial plaque to removal of toxic substances that have potential to be contributing causes of unpleasant conditions for Seniors. I will not give up.

Dear Natalie. When will I remember how to spell Moralis corectly? How are you? I was just reading you piece on Alzheimers. My favorite aunt has it. She was at the wedding that I went to a while ago. She told me that she was hoping I would come because she thinks everybody is my cousin, Dale, who, is the oldest. She said she saw me come into the hall and she felt so happy because I was the only person she knew besides my dad. I remember when I graduate from high school she called me several time every week for two year's. She was always trying to help me get the best job I could get. She was like one of my best freind's. She has always been in love with Danny Gatlyn. She was great piano player. You know? I think that memory cells are a storage sell the the brain re uses when it stops generating enough, Natatlie? I forgot the names of the cells. ohnestly. You know what I mean though, right? When the brain re uses the memory cell, the memory is lost like, deleted. I just wanted to stop and say hi. Love Marty

Just a note for Natalie: Myanmar, the former Burma, is a 3-syllable work. Both yesterday morning and today, i think you added a syllable during your newscasts, and the name came out, "Myanamar." Think of it as,ME'"n'mar, and all will be well.
THANKS!
Sue Pery